Please Deliver This Request for Proposal by End of Week

Hi Steph,

I’m reaching out to all our media vendors to see if you could put together a request for proposal (RFP) for our newest marketing initiative. Details below.

• Budget: $47K

• Product / Key Message: Our cereal now has 25% more nuts

  
  
  

• Audience: Anyone who eats food, and isn’t allergic to nuts. Moms?

• Due Date: EOW

Jeff

…….

Monday, 12:01 PM

Hi Jeff,

How was your weekend?!? Hope it was awesome! Thank you so much for considering our company for your RFP! Extra Nuts!

Sorry for the delay here. I was trapped in a meeting. A few quick questions are linked in a collaborative doc, so I can make sure that this RFP hits all the KPIs and drives maximum ROI.

Questions attached in a collaborative document linked here.

Best,

Stephanie

…..

Tuesday, 5:01 PM

Apologies for the delay. I’m managing relationships with multiple stakeholders. You should know my needs by now. Maybe someone less junior could help you.

Send me your best. Still need the RFP by EOW no matter what.

J

…

Tuesday, 6:45 PM

Heyyy Jeff!

Deep apologies here!  I’ve been literally trapped in meetings. My boss has been holding me captive in conference room 243. Send help when you get a chance. Ugh!

I pulled some KPIs from our CRM using some BS and think that we will be able to make this proposal rock!

Let me know if we’re aligned on performance goals,

Stephanie

…..

Wednesday, 3:45 PM

Stefan,

Thanks for the note. I trust your judgement and will review at EOW.

I’m not checking your work along the way. If the campaign fails, then I’ll blame you. If it’s a success, then I’ll take credit. You know the drill.

…

Thursday, 1:01 AM

Hi Jeff,

Sorry hard 2 type when boss cuts off finger tips 4 each time I say like or umm during presentation. Attached is the rough draft of the RFP. The proposal is SEO, SEM, and LMNOP-optimized for your cereal.

Please let me know your thoughts on the initial rough draft. I’m here any hour of the day that you need me. My phone is tied to my desk along with my body. They’ve hooked me up to a bag of cold brew that drips directly into a port under my left clavicle.

All the Best,

Stephanie

…..

Friday, 9:07 AM

Hi Steven,

I attached is some feedback that I’m sending to all potential partners:

1. Think bigger

2. Scale more

3. Make customers more loyal to this cereal than they are to their husbands

You have 8 hours until EOW.

Jeff

…..

Friday, 10:15 AM

Jeff,

Thank you so so much for sending these notes to me!

My apologies for the delay are deeper than the Performance Improvement Pit (PIP). Last night, I found out that’s exactly 27 feet deep. It’s accessed by dialing *33284 (DEATH) onto the conference pad. My ergonomic desk chair fell through the floor of the conference room. I’m scared.

The Wi-Fi is pretty spotty down here, but send any additional feedback on the revised proposal.

Closing this sale is my only hope. My team-building offsites to Escape the Room could not have prepared me to scale this vertical drop.

My undying commitment,

Stephanie

…..

Friday, 10:15 AM

Thanks you for your message. I am OOO for 10 days on a Kundalini Yoga retreat. This retreat is completely tech free.

…

Friday, 10:16 AM

Hi Jeff,

Sorry to interrupt your well-earned PTO. Can you confirm that this message was received by the proposal deadline? Is there someone else I should CC?

My boss told me “deadline has the word ‘dead’ for a reason.” Help.

With desperate hope for my life,

Stephanie

…

Friday, 2:04 PM

Hi Jeff,

Hope our intern has found you well at your retreat. Your “Find My iPhone” data showed me that you’re having a great time at Pour Man’s Drafthouse. What a fun location for a retreat!

Who should I CC on the proposal?

…

Friday, 3:45 PM

Hi Jeff,

Security says you quit! Who is checking this proposal? The pitmaster is forcing me to watch reruns of “Shark Tank.” I’ve received hundreds of cuts from shiny presentation folders. If I don’t get a confirmation, I won’t earn my weekly shower. Please, Jeff. I smell like pit corpses.

Stephanie

….

Monday, 10:20 AM

Hi Stefanie,

I’m the new Marketing Manager working on relationships with vendors. It seems like we are missing your RFP for our extra nuts launch.

Was something lost in the shuffle? Frankly, deadlines are expectations not suggestions.

Terrance