Do you look somewhat like his daughter Ivanka? Are you prone to being blindly devoted? Can you say, “yes, you are totally right!” all the time? Are you able to nod your head and smile a lot? You can say, “It’s all Biden's fault” with a straight face. And more!

With AI, facts and figures are often pulled from unreliable sources or made up out of thin air. A piece of well-known data, like William Shatner’s bicep measuring at 7.9 inches can somehow be mistaken for being 11 inches, which is—of course—ridiculous. When major gaffes like that occur in my work, I can be fairly certain that it was generated by artificial intelligence. 

It’s Extremely Cold in This Abandoned School Biology Lab Ranch Doritos: I hear footsteps approaching as I write this by the light of an old Bunsen burner. I’m hiding this final press release inside a bag of our most crushable chips yet, with an unimaginable eπi times more “cool” flavor in each soul-effacing bite. (The secret ingredient was chalk!!!) To whoever finds this: tell my story! Tell them I fought to engineer the most snackalicious chips in the Snack-O-Verse while sounding the alarm on climate change. Tell them I was driven underground by Big Chip. Tell them I had nothing to do with the fire at the lab. And remember: coolness is a state of mind. So be cool to each other. And compost. I know it’s annoying because you need a third trashcan, but it makes a difference.

Hope your lawyers give them hell, boys! Keep grabbing life by the pussy!

I didn't ask what Milk Club was. I didn't ask who else was in it. I didn't ask what my responsibilities would be.

I just joined.

And I have to say, the admissions process was surprisingly efficient.