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Things to Bet On In NY Now that FanDuel and DraftKings Are Shut Down

-300 Express subway train pulls away right as you get to the platform

 

Over/Under: 3.5 people on any given city bus who look like they’re dying in front of your eyes

 

+1200 A person on your bus dies right in front of your eyes

 

-130 Anti-Obama headline on nypost.com right now

 

-300 Botched Plastic Surgery headline on nydailynews.com right now

 

-500 A fond memory of Vanessa suddenly washes over you out of nowhere

 

Over/under: 9.5 McDonald’s breakfast items you order per week, just counting ones you order during straight-up dinner time

 

+130 Bro you just met at sports bar will go on at some length about FanDuel being a game of skill

 

Even Money: Same bro will insist on telling you how he has “too many dates” thanks to online dating

 

+110 Vanessa will heart one of your Tweets

 

Even Money: Teens on subway selling candy for “basketball team” vs. Teens on subway selling candy “not for any damn basketball team”

 

-180 Even though you’ve lived on this block for five years, you somehow never see the same people on the sidewalk twice

 

-700 Nothing in your Netflix queue will appeal to you at this particular time

 

-2000 Vanessa will come back to you (Vanessa please come back)

Written by Josiah Madigan

Josiah Madigan

Josiah Madigan is a writer, editor and TV producer. For more writing, go to Twitter @josiah10000. To see him live, check out www.seriousmatters.info.

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