The Real Reasons That Fans Are So Upset By The New Star Wars Movie

There is a disturbance in the Force.  Or perhaps its simply that many Star Wars fan boys are emotionally stunted man-babies.  Regardless of the reason, lots of Star Wars fans are very unhappy with the latest chapter in the series.  But why? 

Jabba The Hutt revealed to be a dateless, socially-incapable introvert in his mid-forties who still lives with his parents.

The main hero character is played by a woman, a creature which most Star Wars fans find far more terrifying than whatever sadistic magicks the Dark Side might whip up.

All of the musical numbers, and where did Hugh Jackman suddenly come from?  (for people who accidentally went into the theater showing The Greatest Showman)

They have the technology to create CGI creatures, robots and explosive space battles, but there’s no way to keep Princess Leia from looking like an over the hill Liberace impersonator?

They overheard a group of teenage girls laughing about the fact that they were watching the movie alone while dressed as a chubby Jedi master, and it ruined the entire movie for them.

The special promotional large tub of popcorn with limited edition Star Wars hologram on the packaging clearly shows Chewbacca firing a laser gun with his right hand, when everyone knows that he’s a leftie.

They’ll never see a naked woman in real life (not about the new Star Wars movie per se, but nonetheless upsetting enough to cast a tinge of sadness over everything else, including the new Star Wars movie).

It wasn’t exactly as they had pictured it in their mind while reading online spoilers for the year and a half leading up to the movie’s release.

The robot shown briefly in the background of two different scenes, which was going to be the focus of some awesome fan fiction, was suddenly blown up during a space battle.

The C3PO bubble bath released as a special promotion for The Last Jedi smells like Lysol, and gave them some weird, itchy bumps all over their bodies.

Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….