The Four Quarters Of Your Super Bowl Party- The Highlight Reel

First Quarter:

Coin toss to determine who can be the first to double dip into the queso during flu season.

Several wings and bowl of ranch fumbled, flag thrown. Flag used to clean up mess before the wife notices.

Second Quarter:

Time-out called, DVR paused to look outside and watch the hot single mom next door drunkenly argue with her scumbag boyfriend. It’s 38 degrees outside, why is she wearing a bikini and a winter hat?!

Greg ejected from game for vomiting pizza rolls onto the platter of assorted wings.

Half Time Show:

Cops finally show up to arrest the next door boyfriend. During the fracas, the hot single mom has a boob pop out of her bikini!

Third Quarter:

Huddle called so that everyone can watch a funny YouPorn clip without the wives seeing.

Offsides called when Jerry drunkenly wanders over and accidentally spills queso onto the wives’ scrapbooking project.

Fourth Quarter:

Not-Holding called when Kevin passes out and then immediately releases his bowels.

Game called due to Linda getting really pissed off and kicking everyone out of the house.


Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….