Thanksgiving Family Conversation Starters
“So, let’s all take turns saying what we’re thankful for, and then who we each voted for.”
“Aunt Sue, you’re a miracle! That sweet-potato pie of yours disappeared more quickly than Planned Parenthood’s funding.”
“Instead of an adults and kids table, this year can we have a racist and non-racist table?”
“Uncle Elliott, if you’re so against gay marriage, then why did you marry a woman who looks like a fat, hairy man?”
“So does the turkey meal come with both sweet potatoes and stuffing, or do I have to choose just one?” (eating by yourself at Denny’s only)
“Could we all go on The Maury Povich Show so that he can do his DNA testing thing to prove that we’re not related?”
“I’m not sure if this should be classified as a ‘family holiday get-together’, or as ‘cult activity’.
“And let’s be most thankful for the fact that all of your rehab clinics have such a lax holiday-pass policy.”
“Now that Uncle Daniel is no longer with us, who among you would like to be the sweaty, wheezing family member who enjoys inappropriately cornering the kids in the poorly-lit kitchen?”
“Sorry that there’s not many desserts this year, everybody; Grammy just discovered Tinder a week or so ago.”
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
