“Not looking for assassins per se, but we need an HR person with experience running exit interviews on the edge of the roof of our building .”

Moving on up! Today's cartoon by Zack Rhodes.

A-maze-ing. Today's cartoon by Pardis Parker and Aria Ghalili.

That said, going forward I expect everyone to come in at least 40 hours a week, which, coincidentally, is the exact amount of time that the human body can withstand such temperatures before their internal organs begin to melt. Failure to show up for the full 40 hours will be taken as your resignation.

Ready for my close up. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

Hold an office Christmas tree lighting ceremony. Ask select personnel to hang their now-deactivated key cards as ornaments. Elves escort the terminated out before entertainment arrives.

Three quick bubbles and three long bubbles: Uh oh, there’s trouble afoot! That cooler’s getting low, and it’s time for office manager Devin to hoist up a new multi-gallon and send the empty one to its eternal slumber.

Since it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other in person, we thought it’d be fun if we all did nametags. You’ll get one to use throughout the year, so make sure you take care of it. Please write your name, blood type, and emergency contact information on it. Don’t be afraid to get creative with your design! 

As of today, I will no longer be doing my job here. Or Mike’s or Pete’s or even Crystal’s, am I right? You all relied on me so heavily that it broke me! For exactly half of what I asked for in salary, zero other benefits, and a birthday cake I had to pay for myself — what a steal!

Oh, and you look like a corpse when you wear yellow. It’s not “fun” if you’re an ambulating cadaver. Donate your yellow garments, girl.

I make coffee so good my entire team once started to cry after their first sip and we all had to go home. It was so embarrassing. I’m being a little vulnerable by telling you about this.

Before we dive into our fun-packed rigid weekend itinerary –complete with SEVERAL trust-building exercises and virtually hundreds of opportunities to see the entire accounting team awkwardly wade into GORGEOUS lake Manuwaka in their saggy one-piece bathing suits—we’re going to start out with some fun, high energy ice breaker activities. So, leave your unmarked backpacks full of your business casual attire and valuables in that pile by the shore and come join us in the circle!

Most Likely to Impede, Reddest Eyes On Monday Morning, Brownest Nose and more #OfficeSuperlatives!

They always try to get you with those trick questions.

Hello, Trailblazer! Are you a passionate, driven individual…

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