Posts

A Cease and Desist Letter From Pumpkins to Starbucks

Perhaps the most egregious offense of this whole debacle is that these sugar soups you call “beverages” are not even made with real pumpkin, just pumpkin flavoring. You need to understand that this is the equivalent of advertising a movie as starring Brad Pitt, when in reality it is just hostage footage of Kirk Cameron.

CARTOON: Caffeine Cannibal

Tasty Tastelessness. Today's cartoon by Dalton Vaughn.

CARTOON: Festive Feeling

It's the little things. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

I Am Become Pumpkin Spice Latte, Destroyer Of Worlds (A Modern-Day Bhagavad Gita)

It was a bone-white cup, emblazoned with the emerald likeness of a mermaid. / And from it exuded a golden mist of cloves and nutmeg / And lust and decadence and beguilement.

Overheard at the Westeros Starbucks

"Is my latte still not here? What, exactly, is the holdup? It's like the Long Night in this place! I'm getting grayscale over here!"

Hyper Local and Hyper Petty: Your Town’s Facebook Group

Barbara Klein: Today outside the Starbucks I saw our state’s bird, a goldfinch! What a nice surprise on a Tuesday morning! Marc Crabtree: Goldfinches are a trash bird.

Joke’s On You, Starbucks… The Screenplay I’m Writing In Your Store Is Far Worse Than Any Porn I Could Watch

The screenplay I’m writing in the middle of your store is far worse than any pornography I could be watching.

The Wholly Ignored Life of a Hogwarts Home Economics Professor

  Dear Headmaster Dumbledore, I am attaching the work…