Posts

Dentist Accidentally Extracts Man’s Face

BISMARCK, North Dakota – Len Wheaton went to the dentist expecting…

Welcome to Mobility University™, an AT&T® Institution!

Welcome, new faculty member!   AT&T® is a recognized…

Quiz: Tender Catcall Bestowed Upon Me or Michael Bolton Song?

1. How Can We Be Lovers 2. Are You Taken? 3. Murder My…

As An Olympic Curler I Resent Being Asked To Sweep Out The Garage

Honey, I feel like we’ve been over this a thousand times.   On…

An Open Letter from the Giant Teddy Bear You Received Last Valentine's Day

Dear Roxanne,   It’s me again. 337 days, Roxanne. It’s…

Highlights Of Trump's Planned Military Parade

The crowd will be the largest for a military parade. Ever. Anywhere.…

Thank You For Considering My Application To Be The Next Dalai Lama

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Esteemed High Lamas and Lay Members of the Reincarnation Search…

Scenes From Your Nihilistic Domestic Existence

First Steps   SPOUSE: Wait, did the baby just walk?   YOU:…

8 Eerie Similarities That Show How Close The Queen Of England And Lindsay Lohan Are To Being The Same Person

The Queen doesn’t need a passport to travel. Lindsay has had…

President Trump's Favorite Things About The Government Shutdown

You might think that Trump would be a bit concerned and unhappy…

Top Selling Christian Rock Albums Since Trump’s Presidential Win

Turn The Orange Cheek Prayer Warriors Small Hands, Big…

Most Interesting Things Overheard During Trump's Physical

"Sorry for the five-hour wait, Mr. President." "That's OK, Doctor.…

Famous Ernest Hemingway Quotes Adjusted for the Age of Trump

"All you have to do is write one fake sentence. Write the fakest…

White House Memo: Steve Bannon to Serve as Official 2018 Punxsutawney Groundhog

MEMORANDUM TO: Punxsutawney Groundhog Club FROM: Paul Ryan,…

Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal

“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…

Hey ‘80s and ‘90s Kids, Do You Remember These Defunct Mall Stores?

Cool Kevin’s Single Earrings In the ‘80s there was nothing…

Most Returned Christmas Gifts: 2017 Edition

Rapist! Harvey Weinstein's cologne for men (30% infused rose-water,…

The Dark Truth Behind Popular Christmas Songs, As Told By Supporting Characters

"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" As told by: Dasher Okay, let…

Wait... Look, squirrel! and 7 Other Signs You Have Adult ADD

1: Wait... Look, squirrel! 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8:…

Death Row Cuisine: Make Your Last Meal Count!

That big day is finally here. The last appeals have been filed,…

A Conversation Between Two Butts Who Just Butt-Dialed Each Other

1: Hi. I think you butt dialed me. 2: No, I saw…

Welcome To Our Home – Instructions From Your Airbnb Hosts

Dear        Mr. Brody    , WELCOME!  We are delighted…

Chuck E. Cheese's Plans, Following The Break Up Of His Band The Pizza Time Players

Do some solo stuff, or maybe some hip-hop collaborations with…

Talkward w/ guest Bridget Fitzgerald

In this episode of Talkward, actress, comedian, and model…

#TrumpsLegacyWillBe

We took to Twitter to host @HashtagZoo’s weekly hashtag game…

If Adult Movie Dialogue Was Actually ‘Adult’

“Oh god, you’re harder than getting out of bed in the morning.” “I…

#PoliticalClassifieds

Once again we took to Twitter to host @HashtagZoo’s weekly…

The War on Penis Terror: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 5)

~ DEAR VAGINA SOLDIER ~ Eager to earn your dignity as an honored…

#DescribeSocialMediaBadly

Once again we took to Twitter to host @HashtagZoo’s weekly…

#DescribePoliticsBadly

We took to twitter to play #DescribePoliticsBadly with HashtagRoundup…

8 Taylor Swift Lyrics That Are Also Grounds For a Restraining Order

Just have Taylor Swift add “Your Honor” to these lyrics in…

QUIZ: Medical Condition or Accounting Firm

1. Baker Newman Noves 2. Epstein Barr 3. Riley Day 4.…

First-Date Customer Satisfaction Survey

Congratulations! You’ve been selected to participate in a…

Top Five Signs That Your Pet Goldfish Is a Stockbroker from the 80's

It’s your worst nightmare, you come home late one night to…

The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…

An Open Letter to Chad, the Bag Boy

Look Chad, we need to talk about your performance. But if you’ll…

FOTO BOMB: Trump @ CES

Trump is at it again doing his White House training at CES…

Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. He had high cholesterol, and his…

9 Great Urinal Conversation Topics

1. Cold out/hot out/regular temperature out. 2. These…

My TripAdvisor

“Had Reservations Before We Made Reservations” ★★☆☆☆ Reviewed…

Black Friday Lives Matter

A Eulogy For a Family Member Trampled and Killed During Black…

Rosy-Cheeked Residents of the Bizarro Earth Are Thankful For...

President-Elect Michelle Obama not only soundly defeating Donald…

Alliterative Day-of-the-Week Themes to Boost Morale at Your Startup

  Mole Mondays Nope, not the cute little furry critter!…

Subject: Fear Not, Gun Lovers!

********* (The highest ranking members of the GLC [Gun Lovers…

Answer Sheet For The Exam Of Kanye’s God-Level Sommelier

Any deviation from these exact answers during the blind tasting…

The Endings Of Those Novels You Were Supposed To Read Over The Summer

A new school year is fast approaching, and I'm willing to bet…

Least Coveted Raffle Prizes

Cursed monkey hand Do-It-Yourself Human Centipede Kit $25 gift…

Classic Romantic Comedies If They Were Set In Present Day

1. When Harry Met Sally   Instead of it taking Harry…