Next goes the hair. Today's cartoon by Patrick Hickey.

But is THIS your card? Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

It may seem that I have prospered greatly off the misfortunes of the left foot, but the truth is that my path to podiatrist fame and fortune was not always easy. When I first told my advisor I was planning to specialize in the left foot, she asked if I had been “taking those stupid improv classes again.” My father broke down in tears, which we later realized stemmed less from my announcement and more from a burst appendix.

When you find yourself saying to Ryan, “I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before,” take a deep breath and understand that you have. You have mentioned that you have “a weird thing about vomit” as well as “a weird thing about not wanting to wake up in a panic one night beset by guilt, regret, envy, and vomit,” in addition to “a weird thing for redheads.” These are called, respectively: duh, okay, and ginger tabbies are the best category of every species.

Mr. Trump's fondness for the Golden Arches and other fast food chains is well known. What has not been widely reported, however, is that there is an entire, working McDonald's restaurant located deep within  the presidential intestines.

They have you wear the dental x-ray apron for protection, as well as a condom. And more.

Dear Dr. Kit...How can you tell if your boyfriend is a serial killer? Are there obvious signs that I may be missing? I found a bloodied selection of what appear to be human teeth in a small pile in his workshop, and that's gotten me to thinking... there have been other things that I may be overlooking as well. What do you think?

"Sorry for the five-hour wait, Mr. President." "That's OK, Doctor.…