originals

Steve Bannon’s Netflix Queue -or- How Steven Bannon Will Spend the Next Few Weeks While Nursing a Wounded But Bloated Ego, Fomenting Hatred in his Heart, and Drinking Gallons of Cheap Gin from a Discarded Aunt Jemima Bottle and a Sterilized Nipple

Birth of a Nation

(the 1916 version, not leftist 2016 film one where the black guy is not only characterized as a human being, but is also portrayed by a black actor instead of a racist caricature by a white actor in blackface. Come on!)


 

The Grand Wizard of Oz

(rare D.W. Griffith film that attempted to bring to life L. Frank Baum’s tale by reusing sets, actors, and costumes from the Klan scenes of Birth of a Nation)


White House Down

(hehehehehehehe)


 

Birth of a Nation 2: Rise of the Confederate Statues


 

The Mr. Yunioshi Cavalcade of Laughs: aka Breakfast at Tiffany’s

(a fan-made version that loops all of Mr. Yunioshi’s un-PC scenes that are so hilarious that Mickey Rooney’s uncanny portrayal of a Japanese man should be taught in all of the segregated schools planned for post-WWIII America)


Ghost of Mississippi

(that movie with James Woods playing an ignorant old man too lost in his own dated ideologies and hate that he can only react to social change through anger based on the realization that progress is relegating him to a sort of dogmatic antiquity. How on God’s green earth did he ever harness the motivations of such a character?)


Karate Kid

(humanizing the struggle many whites go through in achieving cultural appropriation)


Birth of a Nation 3: Creation of a False Narrative Surrounding Antifa and BLM


Sebastian Gorka’s Schindler’s List

(the usual leftist propaganda “film” but includes a voiceover by Dr. Gorka poking holes into the false narrative of the Holocaust. Gorka’s claims are meticulously backed up by literature left behind at a synagogue in the dead of night by white nationalists.)


Black Beauty

(Misleading title, but it’s about a horse. A feel-good movie about the emotional bond formed between a boy and a horse that happened to have the unfortunate  reality of being born black. But the horse proves to everyone that it’s what’s on the inside that counts and not breeding or upbringing or…wait a minute. Huh.)


Written by Mike Calahan

Mike Calahan

Mike Calahan is a writer living in California’s Bay Area. He is neither famous nor infamous nor even Famous Amos. However, he is content writing in any form, including short stories, humor columns, articles, jailhouse confessions, grocery lists of expired food items, and personal manifestos. Follow him on Twitter @mikecalahan

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