Pretty Basic Swingers’ Club Etiquette

A queef in a club is similar to a burp after a large meal in a Japanese household; to not do so would be an insult to your hosts.

Most clubs have a two drink minimum, but drinking cup of someone else’s tinkle does not go towards this total.

Please, no more than seven people per glory hole.

Despite the similar wording, a Groupon typically cannot be used for group sex.

A pimple inadvertently popped during a spanking session may lead to a dermatology fee being added to your final bill.

If you use leg braces and other similar assorted paraphernalia during your sexual activity, this doesn’t allow you to use the handicapped parking in front of the club.

Please don’t eat buffalo wings from the club snack bar, and then finger someone’s bottom without first thoroughly washing your hands.

It is a faux pas to tickle another’s b-hole with the feather of an endangered species.

If you pull a train that lasts several hours, you are not then eligible for frequent traveler miles.

It is typically considered bad form to spend a long amount of time sniffing seats if several ladies are standing and without a place to sit in the club.


Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….