Just in time to swoop in and save his frail, trembling ego, Israel is naming a high speed rail station after President Trump. Eager to curry favor with the bloated sex criminal that’s currently nesting in the White House, other countries are currently following suite. Here are the unpleasant, but perhaps expected, results…
The Trump Tapewormium (Hasselt, Belgium)
Wanting to remove a tapeworm from your intestinal tract, but not from your life completely? The kind and friendly folks at The Trump Tapewormium will not only perform the procedure necessary to remove the tapeworm, but will also provide your new best pal with the vitamins and nutrients needed for a healthy next step into life. Plus fit him with a cute little jacket and bowtie as well!
The Donald Trump Institute For Coming Up With Better Names For Buttfucking (Lund, Sweden)
Sweden’s top scientists scribble furiously in little notebooks and calculate figures endlessly, all in the name of finding a better description of anal intercourse than “buttfucking”. “Even anal intercourse sounds pretty terrible!”, laments one top scientist, notable in his field for doing things that are very scientific. “How about Trumping?” exclaims another, a spark of renewed creativity glowing in her eyes. Take a well deserved break, scientists! You’ve earned it!
The President Trump Pro Life Sanctuary Of Sharing (Leipzig, Germany)
Instead of aborting that unwanted fetus, how about growing it to term and then sending it to us? We not only want it, we need it! Little hands, littler than Trump’s even, are needed to put together the many items that Trump factories crank out endlessly, night and day, 365 days per year! “I approve this message!”, says Trump himself, bits of Dorito chips flying from his cracked lips as he speaks.
The Trump Home For Semi-Reformed Sex Criminals (Turin, Italy)
“When the Alabama Senate… situation… didn’t work out, we knew that Roy Moore was the right man for the job.” says Weldon Ferkins, Head Of Patient Relations at The Trump Home For Semi-Reformed Sex Criminals, speaking about the highly coveted position of Day Room Activities Coordinator. “Now, the Alabama Senate seat thing is still up in the air, of course.” corrected Roy “But in the meantime, this seems like a good place to rest my boots. Seems like a great place to meet young ladies as well!” continued Roy, a mischievous glint in his eye. “A lot of the guys in here have daughters that come to visit them quite often. At least, I think that they’re their daughters. I heard one calling a guy ‘Daddy’.” From his secret bunker several miles beneath Trump Tower, Trump Tweeted, “Go get ’em Roy! Steer clear of Ivanka if you would, but Tiffany is up for grabs!”. “Yuck!”, chuckled Roy, clearly growing restless as mania continues to cloud his ever-worsening mind and judgment, “Now, toss a wig and some rouge onto Barron…. then maybe we’ll talk!”
The President Trump Center For Prostate Cancer Research (Edmonton, Canada)
“We were looking for just the right kind of honor to bestow upon President Trump,” said Prime Minister Trudeau, doing his best to suppress a smirk, “and ultimately we decided that a large building filled with people who spend the bulk of their time digging around in assholes was the way to go.” Still no word what the officials in Montreal will now name the enormous landfill used primarily to burn soiled mattresses infected with bed bugs, which was originally due to be dubbed “The Donald Trump Pile Of Festering, Urine-Soaked Mattresses That Someone Probably Died On”.