O.J. Simpson To Do List

O.J. Simpson was released from prison Sunday and brought with him the following to-do list for starting his new life:


Begin controversy-free life by attending NFL game.

Hop in the Bronco with A.C. and see how many helicopters follow.

Look into that Bruno Magli endorsement.

Plan scariest trick or treat visit Brentwood has ever seen.

Get payback on that Kato bum by sleeping on his couch for a few years.

Find out whatever happened to those goofy Kardashian kids.

Bask in the glow of a new color-blind America now that we’ve had a Black President.

Get started on a new sequel to Naked Knife, uh, Naked Gun.

Jump on Twitter and started tweeting at that asshole Trump.

Search for the real killer for a couple hours to make it look good.

Buy a pair of gloves one size too small — just in case.


Written by Les East

Les East

Les East is a nationally renown freelance journalist. He was recently named top sports columnist in the United States by the Society of Professional Journalists and Louisiana Sportswriter of the Year by the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association. When he’s not writing about sports — and sometimes when he is — he likes to provide snarky commentary on current events. You can follow him on Facebook and Twitter — @Les_East