Originals

Most Romantic Valentine’s Day Lies

 

“I’ll love you forever.”

In cosmic terms, a human life is but a blink of an eye. Still, see if he buys it.


“I can’t imagine my life without you.”

You can, and you do. But we bet she’ll eat this one up.


“I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

Real talk: your relationship is nothing but a lifelong struggle to mold the other person to your desires. And the bitter irony is that, should you ever succeed, that is when you will leave her—a spent husk that you no longer respect because she tried to make you happy.


“You make me happy.”

Nothing could make Brad happy. In some way, you’ve always known that. Then again, all joy you feel—even for a moment—is just self-delusion.


“Tom is just a friend.”

Tom is so much more than a friend. But don’t hate Tom. He’s not the one who wrecked your relationship. He’s just the one who was there when it was time.


Written by Jonathan Zeller

Jonathan Zeller

Jonathan Zeller is a writer, editor and comedian who’s contributed to McSweeney’s, The New York Times, and Teen Vogue.

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