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More Surprising Revelations From Michael Wolff’s Fire And Fury

Cover charge to get into the White House is waived if you arrive with a group of scantily clad, attractive women.


President Trump has spent the last several months attempting to coordinate a meeting with Mayor McCheese.


Ivanka seems passive-aggressive about her father’s presidential antics in part due to her regularly being assigned Presidential Diaper Duty.


The conservative right are correct, God did intend to place Trump as President.  “It was supposed to be a joke!   Jeeez!” the embarrassed deity attempts to hastily explain to friends and family who are still talking to Him.


Most of Trump’s Secret Service detail are there simply to keep him from mistaking his colostomy bag for a fanny pack filled with fun-size Snickers bars, which typically happens several times per day.


Trump’s agitation and anger towards Kim Jong-un is due entirely to his belief that the leader of North Korea is a cartoon mouse, up to typical cartoon mouse shenanigans.


Trump is presently considered by most in the White House to be not only mentally unfit to hold the office of President, but also to eat a container of apple sauce without getting most of it on his bib.


Several White House staffers believed themselves to have heard screams of passion coming from Trump during the middle of one night this past October, but as it turned out he was simply calling for help after accidentally pulling a vending machine down upon himself again.


Trump’s golf trip costs are second only to the money spent on bath tub toys.


Trump spends up to three hours per night searching for “the secret entrance to the Bat-Cave”.


 

Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….

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