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Man With Infant’s Head Sues For Discrimination

NEW YORK CITY – A major Wall Street firm is reeling from charges of discrimination after Luigi Capo D’Infante leveled a $100 million lawsuit against them, claiming he was turned down for a job as a stockbroker, because he has the head of a six month old infant.

Capo D’Infante suffers with a rare genetic defect known as Infantilism, leaving him with the 6’1” body of a 35 year old adult man, but the head of a six month old infant.

His brain is normally developed, and he speaks in an adult voice, but he has wisps of hair, and baby teeth.

In a bizarre coincidence, Capo D’Infante claims he had no idea that his name translates to mean “head of an infant” in Italian.

According to Capo D’Infante, his trouble all started when he answered an ad in the New York Times for a stockbroker with experience, and was granted an interview.

Michael Dornlap, head of personnel at Smith Berney’s Connecticut office explains, “Mr. Capo D’Infante did in fact come in for an interview, but the reason we turned him down had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he has the head of a six month old infant.

“The ad clearly stated ‘experience needed in finance.’ We needed someone to run a multi-billion dollar hedge fund. Mr. Capo D’Infante’s experience with finance was handling the cash register in a bakery. He never even graduated from high school.”

He went on to say that Smith Berney is very open to hiring people with disabilities, although he could not honestly say that they have any other employees with an infant’s head, however he did say, “but we do have a man who limps”!

Capo D’Infante claims he was treated rudely and that they laughed at him and took pictures of his head.

The employee who actually interviewed Mr. Capo D’Infante, Noah Churn a Smith Berney employee for 30 years said, “ I gave Mr. Capo D’Infante every courtesy.

“I never once mentioned his obvious disability, even when he asked me to help him untie his hat, which was a typical infant’s bonnet, tied under his chin, … not the usual look for a major Wall Street firm!”

Churn went on to say, “We were advertising for someone with experience in underwriting IPO’s, working with hedge funds, and the like. This man worked in a bakery making change for people who bought cakes and pies. “

Capo D’Infante admits he may not have been qualified for the job, but he says that Churn kept giggling during the interview , “and when he thought I wasn’t looking, he took out a tiny camera and tried to take a picture of my head. That’s not right.”

Churn said it’s customary to take photos of everyone who applies for a job for security reasons.   “You’re always reading about disgruntled applicants coming back seeking revenge. This way we have their photos. That’s all there was to it”, explained Churn.

And the only reason he laughed was because “Mr. D’infante had such a charming sense of humor!”

“If he had had the right qualifications”, Churn added,” we would have given him the position, infant’s head or not.” Now it’s in the courts!

 

 

Written by Jeffrey Gurian

Jeffrey Gurian

Jeffrey’s a comic and comedy writer who’s written for comedy legends such as Rodney Dangerfield, Joan Rivers, George Wallace, Phil Hartman, Richard Belzer, and Andrew “Dice” Clay, among many others. Jeffrey has performed stand-up at most of the big clubs in NY and L.A. and is known for being a regular on-air personality on Sirius XM’s Bennington Show. He writes a weekly column covering the comedy scene for The Interrobang called “Jumping Around with Jeffrey Gurian”, and has also written for MTV, National Lampoon, and many Friars Roasts. His Comedy Matters TV channel boasts over 450 video interviews with A-listers like Jimmy Fallon, Jim Carrey, Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer and even women NOT named Amy. His crowning achievement was getting his own column in the legendary Weekly World News called “ Gurian’s World of the Bizarre” which led to the creation of GNN (Gurian News Network) bringing you the most unusual stories in The Universe, missed by mainstream media.

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