Originals

Kid-Lit of the Revolution

“…it turns out, Kim Jong Il —along with dad Kim Il Sung — were prolific children’s book authors. According to fresh research published in The International Review of Korean Studies, each of the dictators wrote books for young people that were equal parts propaganda and parable.

It’s not clear whether the youthful Kim Jong Un has gotten into the act yet. But he may soon.”

– March 18, 2014- The Washington Post


The following excerpts were taken from original manuscripts, and are here accompanied by internal memos from the editorial and art departments of the DPRK Ministry of Propaganda:

Everyone_Poops_Cover

 


Goodnight Un

 

In the small gray room

There was no telephone

And no red balloon

Just a picture of our Dear, Beloved Leader Un

And a bowl of mush

And nothing else

Goodnight, Dear Leader.  Goodnight, Un

And goodnight, Great Man, Who is a Man of Deeds

Goodnight, Sun of Socialism

And goodnight, Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander

Goodnight, Guarantee of the Fatherland’s Unification
And goodnight, Amazing Politician
Goodnight, Great Sun of Life

Goodnight, Invincible and Ever-triumphant General

And goodnight, Guiding Sun Ray

Goodnight, Guiding Star of the 21st Century

Goodnight, Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradeship

And goodnight, Great Man, Who Descended From Heaven

Goodnight, Leader

Goodnight, Un

Goodnight, blackness falling soon.

 

NOTES: Have the Moniker dept. come up with several more official titles… titles much GRANDER in nature.

 

Also, it should be ABUNDANTLY APPARENT to those reading that The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea definitely DOES have electricity and is most definitely NOT shrouded in the blackest of pitch-dark night as soon as the sun sets. –ed

 


EVERYONE POOPS (but not so our Glorious Leader)

CAPITALIST PIG POOPS & ROLLS IN ITS OWN POOP

IMPERIALIST DOG POOPS & POOPS & POOPS & POOPS, LEAVING ITS POOP EVERYWHERE

AMERICA POOPS ON GENEVA CONVENTIONS AND THEN ACCUSES OTHER

NATIONS OF HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS…HYPOCRITES!

EVERYONE POOPS…BUT NOT SO OUR GLORIOUS LEADER, WHO IS A

PERFECT INCARNATION OF THE APPEARANCE THAT A LEADER SHOULD HAVE

FILTHY YANKEE MONGREL THINKS ITS POOP DOES NOT STINK…

IT DOES

THE HAPPY CITIZENS OF THE DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF KOREA POOP IN A SPECIAL PLACE…

OUT OF DOORS, POOPING HAPPILY INTO A CHAMBER POT

OUR DEAR, SUPREME GENERAL HAS A SOLID GOLD TOILET, TALL AS A MOUNTAIN…BUT HE DOES NOT POOP IN IT… HE ONLY USES IT FOR SITTING  

 

NOTES: Artwork for the end pages should portray multitudes of people, as well as all of the beasts of the Earth and fishes of the sea, grimacing as they as they perform the most unpleasant task of defecating.  DEAR LEADER, meanwhile, looks on in a most DISPLEASED and DISAPPROVING fashion (perhaps with a clothespin on his nose?). –ed

 


Are You There Dear Leader, Bright Sun of the Communist Future? It’s Me, Margaret.

 

Are You There Dear Leader? It’s me, Margaret.

 

Gretchen, my friend, got her period. I’m so jealous Brilliant Leader. I hate myself for being so jealous, but I am. I wish you’d help me just a little. Nancy’s sure she’s going to get it soon, too. And if I’m last I don’t know what I’ll do.

 

Oh please, Wise and Tolerant, Benevolent Leader, I just want to be normal.  Just like the tiniest of cogs in a vast and magnificent system of complex and ever-moving machinery. Just as special and unique as any of the billions and billions of other cogs, forever clicking and whirring in this sprawling matrix of machinations.  

 

All I want, Dear Leader, is to be able to grant you with more and more cogs!
NOTES: Do not change a SINGLE WORD!  It is PERFECT!! -ed     

 


 

Written by Lance Hansen

Lance Hansen

Lance Hansen is a cartoonist and writer from Philadelphia. His comic strip “Mister Morals”, appears regularly in MAD Magazine, along with other pieces. He is currently working on a number of long-gestating projects.

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