It’s Not A Theme Park, It’s HBO

Following the smashing success of Westworld: The Experience at SXSW, HBO is proud to announce HBO World™, the world’s first prestige theme park. Located in East Brunswick, New Jersey, a mere 90 minutes from Newark International Airport, HBO World™ will sprawl over 100 acres of premium entertainment and commercial-free attractions. Park visitors may purchase single-day tickets or season passes, which may be shared between family and exes at no additional cost.

 

HBO World™ will be divided into 4 unique channels: New York, California, TV-MAdventure and HBO Family:

 

New York

 

Oh no! Hannah Horvath had unprotected sex with a stranger! Hannah’s Search For Plan B™ places riders in the backseat of an Uber with Hannah, Marnie, Jessa & Shoshanna as they search the Big Apple for the morning-after pill. But what happens when the Uber accidentally takes a wrong turn into an interdimensional portal? In this groundbreaking 4-D ride, riders will experience HBO’s New York like never before. Smell the sweet sativa delivered by The Guy from High Maintenance. Hear the funky moans of the 70’s porn industry up and down The Deuce. See Vinny and the boys of Entourage before they made it, bullying minorities on Queens Boulevard. And witness a long-awaited crossover when a barista mistakenly assumes Shosh is Carrie Bradshaw’s daughter!

 

The high-octane Crashing Stunt Show™ puts audience members at the center of an action-packed car chase through the streets of Greenwich Village. Loosely based off Pete Holmes’ couchsurfing odyssey on Crashing, this death-defying stunt showcase will thrill audiences like the TV show never has.

 

And Now, You™ allows one lucky audience member to get woke, as one random guest is chosen to help recreate an episode of Last Week Tonight in front of a live studio audience. Even you can experience the thrill of reading hard-hitting journalism and dick jokes off cue cards! Performances are every hour, which still won’t feel often enough.

 

Dine with your goomad on gabbagool and galimad just over the Verrazano Bridge at the Bada Bing strip club buffet. Or, feast on-the-go on authentic “street meat” kebabs, featuring delicious New York-style knishes, hot dogs and pizza on a stick. Explore the city that never sleeps in HBO World™’s New York.

 

California

 

Behold the beauty and intrigue of Monterey inside the Big Little Lies Press Tour™. Lifelike animatronics, voiced by the actual cast of Big Little Lies, appear on stage together to share how grateful they are to be collaborating with one another. Currently closed as the addition of a Meryl Streep robot is in development.

 

Blast off on Insecured™, the world’s first emotional rollercoaster! Twist, turn and flip through Issa’s anxiety and relationship #drama at speeds up to 65 mph. WARNING: May cause nausea for white riders who find the black experience too intense.

 

Meet and take photos with beloved characters Bob Smith, Judy Gold, Carlos Mencia and other notable HBO Comedy Half-Hour alumni walking around Sunset Boulevard. Try food from all around the world at the VICE Food Court™. But what happens when diners are first shown a 15-minute documentary on the destructive carbon footprint that goes into every bite? Find out at HBO World™’s California.

 

TV-MAdventure

 

Celebrate the Nudity, Violence, and Adult Content HBO subscribers have come to know and love at HBO World™’s TV-MAdventure. In addition to being able to enjoy a fully functional Westworld saloon, guests may be treated to vulgar insults by walkaround characters from Veep and Silicon Valley. Hungry guests can grab a quick bite at Kenny Powers’ Taters N’ Tits or Rust Cohle’s Carcosa Samosa’s.

 

Embark on a wild yacht ride through Miami on the Ballers Log Flume™! Before the 50-foot drop, watch 1,500-pound Dwayne “The Bot” Johnson, the world’s beefiest animatronic, take phone calls, sign contracts, and struggle with pill addiction. Warning: guests will get wet.

 

And of course, feel the power of the Mother of Dragons during Khaleesi Tours – a 3-D, motion-simulated voyage across the Seven Kingdoms. Ride Viserion, Drogon, or Rhaegal through dozens of possible Game of Thrones locations, including Winterfell, Braavos, and that weird temple Daenerys burned down in season 2. But what happens when Drogon accidentally flies into a steamy orgy at the Lannister family reunion? Warning: guests may get wet.

 

Those looking for a fright should visit in October for the HBOOOO! Haunted Hayride™. A spooky tour through the HBO graveyard summons cancelled spirits of Home Box Office past. Surprises lie around every corner, including the answer to the great mystery, “where’s Wallace?” Expect ghoulish appearances from Boardwalk Empire’s Nucky Thompson, True Blood’s Sookie Stackhouse, The Jinx’s Robert Durst, John from Cincinnati’s John from Cincinnati, Dustin Hoffman’s horse from Luck, a ghostly pair of jeans from How to Make It in America, The Newsroom’s Will McAvoy wielding a dildo chainsaw from Real Sex, and Louis C.K. performing his 1996 HBO Comedy Half-Hour. Truly horrifying!

 

HBO Family

 

We can tell you how to get to Sesame Street – right here at HBO World™! Unfortunately, Sesame Street will be closed while HBO’s legal department works out licensing rights with Sesame Place in Pennsylvania. In the meantime, Young Popes and popettes can play in St. Lenny’s Basilica, a spiritual playground full of whimsical fountains, hedge mazes, and wild kangaroos.

 

HBO World™ is scheduled to open in 2057.