Originals

Hillary’s Top Secret E-Mails

After several months of furious work, hackers have managed to infiltrate Hillary’s email servers. We will release previously blocked emails to the public as we acquire them.

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Original Message

From: H <HDR22@clintonemail.com>

To: Valmoro, Lona 1; Huma Abedin <Huma@clintonemail.com>

Sent: Tues Sept 15 07:59:16 2015

Subject: Meetings

You sure small group mtg today? Jim said there was “an issue,” didn’t specify.

Also, find out who recommended “Power” – this show is ridiculous.

Thanks,

H.

 

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Original Message

From: H <HDR22@clintonemail.com>

To: Valmoro, Lona 1; Huma Abedin <Huma@clintonemail.com>

Sent: Wed Sept 16 09:07:23 2015

Subject: handwriting??

Still no word from J on mtg cancellation, only post-it with something like “punishment” and “get the blood.” get? let? hard to read.

Also tell Huma she is “dead wrong” on power, the premise is absurd and is not – you can quote me on this – “relevant to our campaign.”

Best,

H-dogg

 

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Original Message

From: H <HDR22@clintonemail.com>

To: Huma Abedin <Huma@clintonemail.com>

Sent: Thurs Sept 17  03:34:22 2015

Subject: Power

can’t sleep…  can’t stop wondering why anyone would give a tv show to 50 cent? b/c he was so good in Righteous Kill? Brian Dennehy fucking carried that movie and everyone knows it.

Ask Lona about a/c – weird smell/”vibe” in office entrance. Or maybe it’s Jim? Could have sworn entire front of his shirt was wet today. idk, gross.

Thx,

H-Rod

 

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Original Message

From: H <HDR22@clintonemail.com>

To: Huma Abedin <Huma@clintonemail.com>

Sent: Fri Sept 20  08:13:55 2015

Subject: Power, obvi

I can’t believe Tasha would screw with her own daughter’s school audition. Who does that?? Also, 50 cent CANNOT ACT. Let’s face it, he hasn’t had one banging moment since dropping In Da Club.

One more thought, hard to put into words… something shapeless seems to consume the air around me.. it’s like the essence of life itself is being pulled out of my office, streaming into some unseen crease in the tangible world.

Side effect of recent poll slide? Just a draft? Wld appreciate yr thoughts on this.

Gracias,

Hill “Chill Pill” R-C

 

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Original Message

From: H <HDR22@clintonemail.com>

To: Valmoro, Lona 1; Huma Abedin <Huma@clintonemail.com>

Sent: Fri Sept 20 11:59:59 2015

Subject: CTHULHU IS GOD

HILLARY IS BECOME YOG-SOTHOTH

BRING ME PILES OF FLESH STEAMING IN THE STARLIGHT

LET AIUNEB GNSHAL FEAST ON THE SMASHED SOULS OF MEN

KNEEL WITHIN THE SEVEN FOLDS OF THE VOID

THE GNASHING ORB CONSUMES ALL

LET NOTICE BE SERVED,

HILLARY “YOG-SOTHOTH” RODHAM CLINTON

Oh, and Huma, bring me screeners for 2nd half of season two, stat.

 

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Written by Josiah Madigan

Josiah Madigan

Josiah Madigan is a writer, editor and TV producer. For more writing, go to Twitter @josiah10000. To see him live, check out www.seriousmatters.info.

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