Fun Summer Activities at U.S. Immigration Camp Internment!

• Bunk Buddies! — Gain the confidence of being on your own with the benefits of no personal space.

• Freedom from Natural Sunlight and Fake News  —  We cover the windows, not so you can’t see out, but so the media can’t see in.

• Heatstroke Singalongs!  —  Live the Boy Scout dream of residing in Tent Cities  in the Texas Sun.

• Tinfoil Blankets  —  What good is sleep if you can’t feel the warm crinkle-crinkle of metal against your skin?

• Chain Link Curtains  — Y’know, for decoration!

Amenities:

• Concrete Jungle Gym — Experience the sheer joy of playing soccer on hot pavement.

• Fun and (Cleaning) Games —  Nothing says summer like scrubbing your cage-bunk.

• Food  —  When we got it.

• No Grown Ups  —  Run wild and put a modern-day twist on literary classic, Lord of the Flies.

• Free Meds! — To help campers cope with separation anxiety, everyone gets psychotropics! Remember, kids: drugs, not hugs.

• Faux Mock Trial — Lawyer a case before you even learn to talk.

Benefits

• Unpaid Internships — Get the privilege of doing free manual labor.

• New Identity — Are your parents jerks? Ever wish they’d go away? Good news: you may never see those dummy heads again!

• Lifelong Memories