originals

Duties of Those Cleaning the Convention Center Following the RNC

Repair porta potty glory holes


Contact landfill re: thousands of Mardi Gras bead necklaces made from spent shotgun shells.


Dispose of bodies of homeless who were shot while wandering too close to the convention center.


Clean brains off of the wall from racists whose heads exploded while attempting to listen to Melania Trump.


Use taser, repeatedly if necessary, to dissuade Ted Cruz from sniffing still-warm seats in the auditorium.


Remove sterilization elixir tank from concession stand soda machines, hoping and praying that it might have worked this time.


Attempt to hose away the thick, viscous, slug-esque slime trail left in the wake of the Trump family.


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