Donald Trump’s Take On Classic Fairy Tales

Sure, ordering the murder of Snow White was evil, but nobody talks about those extremely violent dwarfs.

Sure, ‘fe-fi-foing, be he alive, or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread’ is a poor choice of words, but nobody is talking about criminal trespass and a home invasion robbery by Jack.

Sure, wanting to turn Hansel and Gretel into cookies was bad, but nobody’s talking about their highly illegal breadcrumb littering.

Sure, Cinderella was treated cruelly, but nobody’s talking about the heavily armed Prince and his blood thirsty hunting party

Sure, tricking kids into thinking your their grandma is wrong, but nobody’s talking about grandmas that make kids visit houses in the middle of nowhere.

Sure, ‘huffing and puffing’ down those little pigs’ homes was not right, but nobody’s talking about their dangerous, not built to code homes.

Sure, turning a Prince into a frog is wrong, but nobody’s talking about that tramp of a Princess who kisses him.

Sure, making them guess ‘Rumpelstiltskin is my name’ is devious, but nobody’s talking about that sneaky, eavesdropping Queen.


Written by Paul Lander

Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending, Congolese gynecologist, Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog, Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar…