Daily Planner Schedule For The Elf On The Shelf
9:30 am
Tinkle into the dishwasher’s detergent container.
10:15 am
Pop up and down on the kitchen window-sill , hoping to give the gardening widow next door a heart attack.
11:30 am
Lunch with MILF On The Shelf.
12:15 pm
Sufficiently liquored up, try the “You’re standing under the mistle-blow.” line on the MILF On The Shelf.
12:23 pm–
Promise to call the MILF On The Shelf back “after the holidays”, secure in the knowledge that I’ll be in a box in the attic by then.
2:00 pm
Chase the dog around the house.
3:30 pm
Take some of the mom’s purse coke, and hide it in the daughter’s jean pockets.
5:00 pm
Get back on the shelf.
6:35 pm
Intentionally fall off of the shelf and scare the crap out of everybody.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
