Daily Itinerary Of Hope Hicks

6 am – 11:18 am:  Busy work until the president arrives at the White House.

12:45 pm:  The president typically rushes immediately to the restroom upon arriving at the White House, so give him some breathing room (and definitely give the presidential stall some breathing room).

1:14 pm:   Dictate several Tweets from Trump.    Attempt to reason with him until he pouts and switches off his hearing aid.

1:30 pm:   Give the president the excellent news:    Highlights magazine is going to do an exclusive interview, as well as make him the center photo of their Puzzle Round-Up page!    The president does a happy little jig, and a near-disaster is averted when he almost slips on a puddle of discarded McNugget sauce.

2:15 pm:  Hide in office from reporters with questions about Rob.    Text with Ivanka in order to get advice about handy ways of betraying your own gender without it bothering you at all.

4:12 pm:   Attempt to catch Trump before he leaves for the day, find him napping at his desk in the Oval Office.    He looks adorable, like a big baby, particularly due to the fact that his dentures and hair have fallen off into his lap.

5:17 – 8:45 pm:   Happy hour!    Get totally smashed and stare off into space for a good long while.    Seriously consider possibly going back to modeling.


Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….