Baby Born With Antlers
NOME, Alaska – Rachel Binster was expecting twins. The one thing she could never have expected was what she wound up with, … a baby with antlers.
She and her husband, forest ranger Bob Binster, were looking forward to the birth of their first child, and both claim they are not in the least disappointed.
Doctors had told her to expect twins, but a late stage sonogram turned up twin antlers instead.
An otherwise healthy little boy they appropriately named Rudolph, the Binsters are trying to treat him as they would any other child.
Mother Rachel says, “ Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always been so excited by Christmas, so I look at Rudolph as my very own little reindeer.”
Dr. Alonzo Bevenitsky, a neo-natal care specialist from Anchorage was flown in to examine the child. According to Bevenitsky , “ I’ve never seen a case of antlers before, although I did once have a child with what appeared to be a rhino’s horn growing out of his forehead.”
When asked about the possibility of surgical removal, Bevenitsky went on to say , “ Right now, they’re not attached too deeply. They’re kind of small and immaturely formed as you would expect on any young moose, or caribou. ”
When questioned further, Bevenitsky continued, “ The parents seem to like them. Personally, I would remove them now while they’re still small, rather than later after they start to branch out, when the baby will feel like something is missing.”
With Alaskan temperatures dipping down as low as 30 below zero, having to be dressed for cold weather is a real problem for Rudolph as far as hats go, but his Mom makes him knit hats with a big opening for his little antlers.
Dad Bob says, “ When I first saw them, [the antlers] I didn’t know what to think, but now I think they’re kinda cute. I’ll just have to be careful when Rudolph gets older, and I take him out hunting, that no one shoots at him by mistake.”
Both parents have learned not to let little Rudolph get too hungry. “We can always tell when he’s hungry, cause his little nose gets all red, and he shakes his head violently, often breaking things around the house. ”
Rachel says she can’t wait until Rudolph gets old enough to buy him his first sleigh, so she can watch him pull it around the neighborhood.
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Jeffrey’s a comic and comedy writer who’s written for comedy legends such as Rodney Dangerfield, Joan Rivers, George Wallace, Phil Hartman, Richard Belzer, and Andrew “Dice” Clay, among many others. Jeffrey has performed stand-up at most of the big clubs in NY and L.A. and is known for being a regular on-air personality on Sirius XM’s Bennington Show. He writes a weekly column covering the comedy scene for The Interrobang called “Jumping Around with Jeffrey Gurian”, and has also written for MTV, National Lampoon, and many Friars Roasts. His Comedy Matters TV channel boasts over 450 video interviews with A-listers like Jimmy Fallon, Jim Carrey, Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer and even women NOT named Amy. His crowning achievement was getting his own column in the legendary Weekly World News called “ Gurian’s World of the Bizarre” which led to the creation of GNN (Gurian News Network) bringing you the most unusual stories in The Universe, missed by mainstream media.
