Entries by Matt Payton


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Invitation To One-Year High School Reunion

Greetings fellow Tigers, It’s been one whole year since we’ve graduated and now is the perfect time to have a reunion. We can’t wait to see what everyone has been up to since we parted ways and how you’ve started your journey toward adulthood! You may not look like you do in your senior year portrait anymore, but don’t let the freshman 15 stop you from indulging in our bountiful buffet (please bring a food and drink item).

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How Cheers Characters Would Be Voting in 2020

Sam Malone (bartender/owner): Elizabeth Warren, Robin Colcord (industrialist/Grey Poupon enthusiast): Tom Steyer, Lilith Sternin (psychiatrist/professional dom): Amy Klobuchar, and more!

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A Passive-Aggressive Conversation Between My Loud Neighbor And Me, Via Wi-Fi Network Names

My Wifi Network Name:  Turn Down Your TV Seriously I Can Hear Everything You’re Watching You Know, Other People Live Here Too I Can Hear Your Phone Conversations As Well-5G Also, Your Fights With Your Girlfriend Are Really Loud and Inane Do You Ever Leave Your House? I Know More About Your Life At This Point Than Everyone […]

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Stormy Daniels’ Non-Disclosure Agreement

NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT This Non-disclosure Agreement by and between Stormy Daniels, of Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre and the F.A.M.E. Awards Favorite Breasts, and Donald J. Trump, of The Apprentice and Playboy Video Centerfold: Playmate 2000. Mr. Trump has requested that Ms. Daniels will protect the confidential material and information that was shared between them at […]