Entries by Jeffrey Gurian


News Briefs

Short Sleeve Suits All The Rage In L.A.

MILAN, Italy — Internationally known and respected men’s clothing designer Fabrizio Bellantonio, has managed to shock the usually unshockable world of men’s fashion by designing what he calls the perfect combination of business style and work-out/physical fitness ethic, …the short sleeve suit. Now you can attend that important business meeting but still impress the girls […]

News Briefs

Man Allergic To Clothing Gets Permission To Come To Work Nude

PENSACOLA, Florida – Jack Navish had worn clothing all his life, and never had a problem, until the day he came down with an unexplained full body rash.   Now he goes to work totally nude. At first, he assumed the rash was from a new detergent, or maybe a reaction to some food he ate, […]

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Ex-Barber Builds Home Out Of Human Hair

SVENSPOT, Sweden — Most people work all their lives to be able to afford the home of their dreams, but Oslo Thorgensson’s dream was a little different than most. Thorgennson spent most of his adult life as a barber in his native town of Svenspot, Sweden. Fascinated by hair since he was a small child, […]

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College Admits 10 Month Old Infant Genius

FRANKFORT, Kentucky — Most 10 month old babies are still pre-occupied with cutting new teeth, and trying to take a few steps, but little Wiley Marshall has more important things to do, like preparing for an organic chemistry exam, and completing a paper on Global Warming for his Earth Science class. Wiley is by far […]

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11’ Tall Basketball Player Found In Namibia Running With Giraffes

INDIANAPOLIS – At 7’7”, Manute Bol never thought he’d have to look up to anyone in his life, but next to 20 year old, 11 ‘ tall Ohno Imbabwe , from Namibia, Bol looks like an infant. When NBA scout Bud Parker was on safari in Namibia, he saw what he thought was a group […]

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Man Stretches Out In Gym – Against His Will

CHARLESTON, West Virginia — Ralph Swane went to his gym expecting to get stretched out, but he got a lot more stretching than he bargained for. Swane had been working out with personal trainer Rick Graden for the last few months, and Graden had been starting each work-out with vigorous stretching, but this last one […]

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Comedian Kills Half His Elderly Audience With Great Joke

RIVERDALE, New York – All comedians like to be told they “killed” while on stage, which is a comedians way of saying they did great. Comedian Jackie La Rue took that saying to a new level last Saturday night when he performed at a nursing home in the Riverdale section of New York, and told […]

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Bodybuilder’s Bicep Explodes Killing Work-Out Partner

TARZANA, California – Mike “Cannon Ball” Tortuga, Mr. Olympus for the last three years, is in shock today after having accidentally killed his best friend Dave “The Dumbbell” Donato, during a routine workout, when Tortuga’s left bicep exploded, taking the top of Donato’s head clean off. Tortuga, known as “Cannon Ball” for the size of […]

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Ohio Man Literally Zips His Lip

DAVENPORT, Ohio – Men have done many unusual things to try and win back women they have lost, but few have gone as far as Ned O’Reilly. O’Reilly, who lost the affection of one Miss Irina Nemfitz, his fiancé for the last three years, was truly desperate to get her back. She left him because […]

News Briefs

Tap Dancing For The Criminally Insane

SPOKANE , Washington – Doctors at the Spokane Home For The Criminally Insane are excited about a new mode of treatment that they feel can restore formerly insane patients to sanity. Dr. Abraham Vyune (pronounced Vyoon), has come up with a technique using tap dancing as therapy on the most vicious, and violent criminals in […]

News Briefs

A Brief History Of Thumb Twiddling

ADELAIDE, Australia – Most people see someone twiddling their thumbs and assume the person is just plain bored. Very few people are privy to the fascinating history behind the ancient art of thumb-twiddling, which is once again making it’s mark as one of the worlds first solitary sports. Egyptologists like Alef Bayce, Ph.D. claim that […]

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Doggy Dancing- A New Cure For Loneliness

NEW YORK CITY – Leave it to New York City to come up with the idea of a dancing school for dogs, … not for the benefit of the dogs, but for the benefit of the people who will wind up being their dance partners. It’s touted as a cure for loneliness. “Doggy Dancing” is […]

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Man Tattoos Muscular Body On His Own Scrawny Frame

SACRAMENTO, California – Tired of being picked on for his scrawny, toothpick-like frame, 38 year old Harold Vornado decided to finally do something about it.   Six feet two inches tall, but only 118 pounds made Vornado the target of every creep on the beach. But not any more. Now they call him “Vornado the Tornado.” […]

News Briefs

The Whispering Village Of Turkmenistan

TURKMENISTAN – There’s a tiny village in Turkmenistan called Irkhotsk where the average age is 103, and no one speaks above a whisper. Even the town’s musicians play everything sotto voce, … very quietly. Nikolai Nikolayev, 108 years old, and the mayor of the town, said through an interpreter, “Forget about yogurt, and other dairy […]

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Dentist Accidentally Extracts Man’s Face

BISMARCK, North Dakota – Len Wheaton went to the dentist expecting no more than a routine extraction, a procedure he had undergone many times before, … but this time was to be different. Very different. Wheaton’s trouble all started when he woke up one morning with his head swollen to three times it’s normal size.   […]

News Briefs

Baby Born With Antlers

NOME, Alaska – Rachel Binster was expecting twins. The one thing she could never have expected was what she wound up with, … a baby with antlers. She and her husband, forest ranger Bob Binster, were looking forward to the birth of their first child, and both claim they are not in the least disappointed. […]

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Man In Wyoming Builds Family A Nest

ELK MOUNTAIN, Wyoming – Wade Truesdale was proud of the house he had bought for his wife and 5 kids, until the day the furniture polishing factory where he worked closed down with no notice, and he was left without a paycheck. With few openings for furniture polishers in the small town of 1150 people, […]

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Thin Man Travels The World By Overnight Mail

HELSINKI, Finland – Travis Purn had an itch to travel. The only problem was he had no money. Did he let that stop him? Not so far. Purn has been to 124 countries, and still has a few he intends to hit. How does he do it? By overnight mail. “Overnight mail is guaranteed”, he […]

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Man Killed For Giving Girlfriend A Snail Instead Of Engagement Ring

GILA BEND, Arizona – Hiram Trask and Emma Baldoon were high school sweethearts, and had lived together unmarried, as a couple for the last 18 years. Each year, everyone in their town, especially Emma, expected Hiram to pop the question, but every year he had another excuse why he couldn’t. This year was supposed to […]

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Smithsonian Institute Proves George Washington Wore Wooden Pants

  WASHINGTON, D.C.  –   Stories have abounded for years about George Washington’s fabled wooden teeth, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth.  Now GNN finds out what he actually wore was wooden pants! It has since been proven that he never had wooden teeth, they were actually animals teeth embedded in vulcanite. However, […]

News Briefs

Man With Infant’s Head Sues For Discrimination

NEW YORK CITY – A major Wall Street firm is reeling from charges of discrimination after Luigi Capo D’Infante leveled a $100 million lawsuit against them, claiming he was turned down for a job as a stockbroker, because he has the head of a six month old infant. Capo D’Infante suffers with a rare genetic […]

News Briefs

Man Slips On Pat Of Butter, Winds Up In Next Town

COLLINSVILLE, Illinois – When Wally Pavlicek decides to slip into the kitchen for a late night snack, he doesn’t fool around. Not only did he slip into the kitchen, … literally, …  he also slipped into the Guinness Book of Records at the same time. Pavlicek,  formerly a 6’4”, 600 pounder,  but now a 110 […]